We're Moving! Baby Shower! Fun Surprise Date! and Sam's Birthday!

Back in the beginning of August Sam applied for a job at MathWorks. This wasn't just any job-- it was a job that fit his skill, experience, and interests to a T! Seriously, who knew Sam's dream job actually existed!? After 4 rounds of intense HR and whiteboard/engineering interviews they flew him out to Massachusetts!! It was intense, crazy, but an exciting time.

^^On his way to Massachusetts for a day--it was a quick free trip^^

Needless to say: Sam nailed it! He felt really good about how it went. Then they did a background check and talked to Sam's referrals. They basically interviewed Sam's mentor professor--asking questions like Sam's "intellectual aptitude." (click here for more details)

Then... A few days later they made Sam a job offer!! and we accepted!!!

The most ironic thing about it all-- is that for the past couple years, when I talked about where we would live after Sam graduated I always said Boston/the Boston Area... I thought it was because it was really the only place outside of Utah that I had been because my sister lived out there and I visited her once... but maybe I deep down I knew?? was He was preparing me for a few years to make such a big step? I think so. I know at times it will be hard living so far away from family and missing big exciting events-- but we are sooo excited for the adventure!!!

^^It was crazy accepting a career after he had only applied to one full-time job! But when you feel good about it, what do you do?^^

^^I celebrated all of Sam's hard work both in school and in the many many hours preparing the the interviews by taking him to the Cheesecake Factory!! {Still loving these wedding gift cards! :P}^^

About a week later Sam's supervisor sent him an Edible Creation--it was a super fun surprise!!

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Back in October my amazing, talented, wonderful sister threw me a baby shower and it turned out soooo cute, perfect, and wonderful!! Seriously, it's the cutest shower...ever.

^^No, it wasn't bought from a store... Cami painted it!!!^^

^^Our little guy's Grandma and Aunties--A, B, C, and T!! Thank you so much girls!!!^^

A BIG THANK YOU to all of you who came and celebrated our son!! We really appreciate all of your love and support! :) 

^^Watching Lucas and Sam play around together gets me sooo excited to be having a BOY!! They have such a fun relationship!!^^

^^And these two!! Need I say more!? . . . "Bryn Bryn??"^^

*  *  *  *  *  *

One Saturday a few weeks ago, Sam took me on a surprise date to the Living Planet Aquarium!! We seriously had a ton of FUN!!

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Happy 27th Birthday to Sam!!! 

^^Of course he would ask for authentic Mexican for his birthday dinner :)^^

Unconditional Love

I have been wanting to write about this for a while and I finally decided I need to just set the homework aside and write it because it is so important to me and I want to remember this and I want my kids to know it too. Warning: it's a "little" sporadic. 

I see myself as a pretty loving person and I feel like I love people fairly easily. I also knew that unconditional love meant that you don't have any condition on your love for them {right, it logically makes sense?}.

* * * *

I see a lot of people making LONG lists of why they love their spouse. One day I (as us women are known to do) began to wonder what my spouse would put on his list of why he loves me. Sam had not actually made one of these list of why he loves me so I decided to ask him.

"Sam, why do you love me?" You could tell he was surprised by the question but none the less gave his honest reply, "Missy, I don't love you for any particular reason. I just love... YOU." At first I didn't know how to make sense of this... good, he loves me for my personality?... Or can he really just not think of anything?... I knew this couldn't be true because I do feel a deep love from him... 

* * * *

In my theories class we are learning about the exchange theory. In essence, it is the theory that people make decisions in life that are going to be a profit to them. That they will evaluate the cost-benefit ratio before they make decisions. We, as family life scholars, relate this to relationships. That people will weigh the costs and benefits before deciding to marry someone but will most likely marry someone that they see as a gain. {There is a lot more that goes into this theory but that is the essence}. 
* * * * * 
Throughout my life I have heard that if you "let yourself go" or create a stressful home environment then your husband will start having an affair with his co-worker {variations depending on who I was talking too}. They are so sure that once you didn't “measure up” to your husband, he would see his alternatives and leave, end-of-story [profit would be greater than the cost: exchange theory]. It's so sad that people view marriage this way! A marriage would be so unstable if you could never put your guard down, you always had to go to "the gym". It's not comforting having this theory as your foundation for operation-- your view of marriage is a contract {as upon a condition being met}. However, Marriage is divinely created. One that is not designed based on the exchange theory but rather it is a covenant we make! 

There is one thing that the exchange theory can't explain: Altruism. 

Altruism: Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness.

* * * *

"Missy, I don't love you for any particular reason. I just love... YOU!"

Of all the many things that I have learned from having Sam in my life, this is one of my favorites!:

Sam has taught me what unconditional love is, what meaning unconditional really has... what true LOVE really is-- it is loving as Christ loves. 

Sam really does {only} love me, for me! Not because of anything that I possess or do or have... because the only thing constant in life is change. {don't get me wrong, there are things that he does love about me}. 

His love isn't founded about anything like that-- it's founded on a covenant-- a PROMISE that he made to me and to Heavenly Father.

I can't thank him enough for his great Christ-like example. He really does draw me closer to my savior by helping me realize how much they really do love me.

UNCONDITIONAL:
Something that I once thought as something so simple (and rather objective), became much much more, it became something that I felt—it became so real. I feel like it started to take on its own construct and personality. It had deeper substance and meaning. 
     Yet it's still beautifully abstract-- in a good way.

Christ and Heavenly Father loves me/you/us unconditionally. 

(The you tube clip I have recently posted goes along nicely with this).

* * * *

My professor was a Marriage and Family Therapist with his focus being in spouses that have addictions, mostly pornography. Before we read an article that he wrote, Covenant Sponsor—“Here Am I, Send Me”, he told us that a lot of people say that once their spouse has an addiction or views pornography or any other sexual transgression, they are going to leave their marriage. He tied this in with the exchange theory and unconditional love (these marriages are based on a condition-- that they don't get addicted to anything). I really liked his take on this subject and the principles he emphasizes (I think they can be applied to all marriages because it gives each spouse a powerful outlook on helping their spouse through weaknesses). Here is the 'abstract' of the article in a book:

Sharing a loved one’s struggle with addiction requires a heart for healing, one that is

close- knit and close- kin to the Savior’s own loving heart. Only such a heart is willing to suffer innocently, sacrifice, and endure in the hope of helping save another. Marriage, family, and priesthood relationships are divinely designed and divinely endowed for our help here in mortality. In these relationships God beckons us to be covenant “sponsors” to help sustain and secure loved ones’ recovery. In turn, God promises heaven’s help! Surely the windows of heaven are never open wider than for a dear daughter or son of God who meekly follows in the Savior’s Gethsemane footsteps in order to rescue a loved one. It is a miraculous witness of the love of God the way He helps His covenant helpers, magnifying their capacity and their understanding, their love and their peace— sanctifying their hearts and exalting their souls. In the context of agency, there are no guarantees that one’s service and sacrifice will be welcomed or fulfill its rescuing purpose, but love so given is never wasted, and hope endures and often bears precious fruit. “Why suffer?” “How can I endure?” “How can I be at peace?” “How can I still be happy amid this trial?”... {read more} to consider whether, why, and how you too may meekly offer, “Here am I, send me” (Abraham 3:27), and walk in the Savior’s footsteps.

I am so grateful for my husband that understands what a covenant marriage is and is willing to live up to it.

There is so much more I want to comment on and tie all of these random thoughts together... but I hope you get the messages...  I need to get other things done. :P

The Lord's Timing

I got married the same month that I turned 20. When people would find out that I was getting married at 19 I could see their worry cross their face, like it once did in mine. I never wanted to get married at 19, I told my self that I would never do it. But because of the situation that I was in, it was the best thing to do and it felt right. I told myself that 3 weeks {or even 4 months} is not going to be the determining factor of weather I have a satisfying and quality marriage or not. It was a great learning experience to trust the Lord, His timing, and to have the courage to marry "at the right time."

Last week, however, I heard the statistic again: the number one risk factor for getting a divorce is getting married as a teenager. This made my heart begin to race again, questioning if I should have just waited those 3 weeks. I reminded myself of all of the many reasons we chose the date that we did (housing contracts, pell grants, school schedule, finals week...).

I tried telling myself that everyday during my marriage preparation class {the SFL one that really digs deep and incorporates the secular and spiritual -- in my opinion it's a lot better than the religion one} I was impressed by Sam and my relationship. As the teacher would discuss how to effectively solve conflicts, how to have mature love, how to have the best communication patterns, what foundations make marriages last {the list goes on and on}. As I would sit there and feel the spirit {day after day} I knew that moving forward with Sam was the right thing to do. We really did {and still do} have great interdependence and resiliency.

As it is well known, a 19 year old can be as mature {and even more mature in some cases} as a 21 or 23 year old. The "dead-set" cut off is an average for the population. There are people that get married at my age that are successful that balance out the people that get married a little later and are unsuccessful. This helped but my soul was still seeking more.

I remembered when my mom told me that I am still more immature in some aspects but that I am also very mature in other aspects that exceed that of my peers. Like being self-reliant, responsible and independent {i.e. doing well academically my freshman year where as most people did not see the long term impact and consequence of 'partying' too much that first or second year & not relying on her to do things for me that I could do myself}. She also tied this into being self-disciplined and being motivated to do things {i.e. homework} even when I did not want too. I also thought about how a lot of my good friends are a year in school older than me because that is what I am comfortable with.

These things helped, but what really gave me that piece that I was looking for was when I remembered that social scientist statistics only apply to the majority of that specific population. When I applied this to me I got the impression that I may or may not fit into that population. Because of my family demographics I feel that I was prepared and reared differently than the majority of the population that would have prepared me more for marriage.

I also thought about the fact that I am an outlier in many other statistics like people get worse grades if they work more than 10 hours a week, {see post "I thank you Syd"}. I am definitely an outlier. By connecting the dots from my secular learning to my spiritual knowledge-- reminded me once again the peace and comfort I felt that it really was the right thing to do. I'm not saying that I do not apply to the said "rule" to myself. I just feel like I was given a very special opportunity, to a very special guy, at a very special time . . . One that cannot be mistaken.

I am so glad that I followed the Lord's timing and not my own. I has been a humbling experience for me yet I feel closer to my Savior because of it. I never thought that being an outlier would make my faith increase and draw me closer unto Him. I am grateful for not being the "norm" and for my Father in Heaven that loves me more than I ever thought possible {and knows what is best for me and my family}. That He know what is best for me, even when I may not be able to see it at first.

{Side Note: A benefit of the day that we choose is that I had another month that I got to spend married with my husband, (and not single) and receive more of the blessings from making this covenant when following the right precepts.}