The Manti Temple

I just wanted to bear you a brief part of my testimony about Temples. 

I know that they are the house of the Lord. I find so much peace and solace as I enter these doors to pray and ponder. Life is hard and visiting the temples makes it easier to have the courage to be strong through this life.

I know this church is true. 

Faith and Fear

Life is hard. My heart aches. I feel sorrow. 

I turn to the Lord and pray with full purpose in heart. With REAL intent. I know he is listening.

I listen to many testimonies bearing witness that God loves us, that things will work out. I believe them. I know God wants what is best for us and our family. 

I know the suffering Sam and I are experiencing is for a purpose. To make us stronger. I feel myself slowly becoming stronger as time passes by. 

But I still ask why. I want to see full picture, I want to see what he wants us to become. I don't see it yet. At times I can feel that fear seeping in. I don't like it. So I constantly have to keep turning to him.

I feel like no matter how hard we try and how hard we work it really doesn't make a difference. I feel like things are not working out. As of right now, they are not working out. The only thing that is working out is God's plan. It's funny how I thought I had more control over this. But I guess this is what faith is. Belief.

I am mad. I am not mad at my Heavenly Father though. Every time I pray to him and tell him how I feel he always wraps me up with his unconditional love and tells me it'll be alright. I cry, pleading for more understanding. More patience more anything that will make this pain go away.

And so I trust Him, something I am very bad at (I have  a really hard time trusting others), and ... I wait. I pray. Hoping for brighter days ahead. 

"Do your best, and leave the rest to him"

The Trials of Life

It is comforting knowing that Heavenly Father knows that we can handle all that life asks of us... at times I definitely question my capacity. 

In one of my classes we talked about family stress. A few weeks ago our topics were on adoption and infertility. During this time I was really emotional and struggled studying these topics because of our unique situation.

When I was heading home for dinner I saw a mother pushing a stroller and I just lost it. The tears came flooding down. My heart ached. I have seen so many strollers on campus, but now, it was different.

Even though we experience trials that are a dichotomy of simplicity and complexity, it's comforting that our Savior, Jesus Christ, completely understands what we are going through. He is walking right there with us, holding us up and giving us strength.

Even though these experiences are hard. I feel Him. I feel his love so unbounded. I know that my Redeemer liveth. 

* * * *

We have already sacrificed so much for our future children. . . I am beginning to see all that my Father in Heaven does for us. These two songs really encompasses how I feel about our situation:

"I would die for that."
-- Kellie Coffey
"When you gave me up, you gave everything to me".
-- Mark Schultz

* * * *

I am not pregnant. I wish I was pregnant. but I am not pregnant . . . if and when I am pregnant, I'll be sure to let you know. 

sometimes these topics are sensitive and can really hurt. there are kinder ways to go about this--such as not asking or assuming you know what's going on and jumping to conclusions. may we all remember not to judge others. this matter is between the husband, the wife, and the Lord.

Future is as Bright as Your Faith

I, like most of my peers, are in the stage of great uncertainty. A few weeks ago when I was seeking some peace I really loved this Quote by Elder Nelson from his talk Face the Future with Faith.

“Your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord … and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

“Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.” {Section 98 of the Doctrine and Covenants}

The Lord chose His strongest words to reassure us! Seal! Testament! Sworn! Decreed! Immutable covenant! Brothers and sisters, believe Him! God will heed your sincere and heartfelt prayers, and your faith will be strengthened.

How you deal with life’s trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth. 

The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow and become His standard bearers and covenant people. 

As you walk in the Lord’s path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people.

Our beloved President Thomas S. Monson has given us his prophetic witness. He said: “I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.”

President Monson continued: 

“My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”

Emergency Preparedness

Since it was the 5th Sunday lesson, we had combined RS and Priesthood. Our bishop decided to talk about emergency preparedness. One of the things that he did was show what he and his wife have in their 72-hour kits. The list that they gave us included radio, space blanket, solar/winding flashlight... none of which we own. 

So on our way home I said to Sam: I think we should put put together a 72-hour kit soon. 

I love how diligent my husband is: "I think we should do a 144-hour kit!" 

I thought to myself... You want more food?...

Yes. 

I think they say "72 hours" because after 3 days then most people are able to get where they need to go or other help arrives.

"Yeah, but I want to be luxurious... I want 2 bags of craisins in case I eat the first one too fast."

Oh, how I love my husband! He makes me laugh! :D 

This Nation Won't Fail

In light of all of the corruptness going on with the government. I find this quote by Harold B. Lee to be comforting:

"Men may fail in this country, earthquakes may come, seas may heave beyond their bounds, there may be great drought, disaster, and hardship, but this nation, founded on principles laid down by men whom God raised up, will never fail. This is the cradle of humanity, where life on this earth began in the Garden of Eden. This is the place of the new Jerusalem. This is the place that the Lord said is favored above all other nations in all the world. This is the place where the Savior will come to His temple. This is the favored land in all the world. Yes, I repeat, men may fail, but this nation won’t fail. I have faith in America; you and I must have faith in America, if we understand the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are living in a day when we must pay heed to these challenges.

I plead with you not to preach pessimism. Preach that this is the greatest country in all the world. This is the favored land. This is the land of our forefathers. It is the nation that will stand despite whatever trials or crises it may yet have to pass through."

( Source: Ye Are the Light of the World 350-51 )

The Lord's Timing

I got married the same month that I turned 20. When people would find out that I was getting married at 19 I could see their worry cross their face, like it once did in mine. I never wanted to get married at 19, I told my self that I would never do it. But because of the situation that I was in, it was the best thing to do and it felt right. I told myself that 3 weeks {or even 4 months} is not going to be the determining factor of weather I have a satisfying and quality marriage or not. It was a great learning experience to trust the Lord, His timing, and to have the courage to marry "at the right time."

Last week, however, I heard the statistic again: the number one risk factor for getting a divorce is getting married as a teenager. This made my heart begin to race again, questioning if I should have just waited those 3 weeks. I reminded myself of all of the many reasons we chose the date that we did (housing contracts, pell grants, school schedule, finals week...).

I tried telling myself that everyday during my marriage preparation class {the SFL one that really digs deep and incorporates the secular and spiritual -- in my opinion it's a lot better than the religion one} I was impressed by Sam and my relationship. As the teacher would discuss how to effectively solve conflicts, how to have mature love, how to have the best communication patterns, what foundations make marriages last {the list goes on and on}. As I would sit there and feel the spirit {day after day} I knew that moving forward with Sam was the right thing to do. We really did {and still do} have great interdependence and resiliency.

As it is well known, a 19 year old can be as mature {and even more mature in some cases} as a 21 or 23 year old. The "dead-set" cut off is an average for the population. There are people that get married at my age that are successful that balance out the people that get married a little later and are unsuccessful. This helped but my soul was still seeking more.

I remembered when my mom told me that I am still more immature in some aspects but that I am also very mature in other aspects that exceed that of my peers. Like being self-reliant, responsible and independent {i.e. doing well academically my freshman year where as most people did not see the long term impact and consequence of 'partying' too much that first or second year & not relying on her to do things for me that I could do myself}. She also tied this into being self-disciplined and being motivated to do things {i.e. homework} even when I did not want too. I also thought about how a lot of my good friends are a year in school older than me because that is what I am comfortable with.

These things helped, but what really gave me that piece that I was looking for was when I remembered that social scientist statistics only apply to the majority of that specific population. When I applied this to me I got the impression that I may or may not fit into that population. Because of my family demographics I feel that I was prepared and reared differently than the majority of the population that would have prepared me more for marriage.

I also thought about the fact that I am an outlier in many other statistics like people get worse grades if they work more than 10 hours a week, {see post "I thank you Syd"}. I am definitely an outlier. By connecting the dots from my secular learning to my spiritual knowledge-- reminded me once again the peace and comfort I felt that it really was the right thing to do. I'm not saying that I do not apply to the said "rule" to myself. I just feel like I was given a very special opportunity, to a very special guy, at a very special time . . . One that cannot be mistaken.

I am so glad that I followed the Lord's timing and not my own. I has been a humbling experience for me yet I feel closer to my Savior because of it. I never thought that being an outlier would make my faith increase and draw me closer unto Him. I am grateful for not being the "norm" and for my Father in Heaven that loves me more than I ever thought possible {and knows what is best for me and my family}. That He know what is best for me, even when I may not be able to see it at first.

{Side Note: A benefit of the day that we choose is that I had another month that I got to spend married with my husband, (and not single) and receive more of the blessings from making this covenant when following the right precepts.}