The Lord's Timing

I got married the same month that I turned 20. When people would find out that I was getting married at 19 I could see their worry cross their face, like it once did in mine. I never wanted to get married at 19, I told my self that I would never do it. But because of the situation that I was in, it was the best thing to do and it felt right. I told myself that 3 weeks {or even 4 months} is not going to be the determining factor of weather I have a satisfying and quality marriage or not. It was a great learning experience to trust the Lord, His timing, and to have the courage to marry "at the right time."

Last week, however, I heard the statistic again: the number one risk factor for getting a divorce is getting married as a teenager. This made my heart begin to race again, questioning if I should have just waited those 3 weeks. I reminded myself of all of the many reasons we chose the date that we did (housing contracts, pell grants, school schedule, finals week...).

I tried telling myself that everyday during my marriage preparation class {the SFL one that really digs deep and incorporates the secular and spiritual -- in my opinion it's a lot better than the religion one} I was impressed by Sam and my relationship. As the teacher would discuss how to effectively solve conflicts, how to have mature love, how to have the best communication patterns, what foundations make marriages last {the list goes on and on}. As I would sit there and feel the spirit {day after day} I knew that moving forward with Sam was the right thing to do. We really did {and still do} have great interdependence and resiliency.

As it is well known, a 19 year old can be as mature {and even more mature in some cases} as a 21 or 23 year old. The "dead-set" cut off is an average for the population. There are people that get married at my age that are successful that balance out the people that get married a little later and are unsuccessful. This helped but my soul was still seeking more.

I remembered when my mom told me that I am still more immature in some aspects but that I am also very mature in other aspects that exceed that of my peers. Like being self-reliant, responsible and independent {i.e. doing well academically my freshman year where as most people did not see the long term impact and consequence of 'partying' too much that first or second year & not relying on her to do things for me that I could do myself}. She also tied this into being self-disciplined and being motivated to do things {i.e. homework} even when I did not want too. I also thought about how a lot of my good friends are a year in school older than me because that is what I am comfortable with.

These things helped, but what really gave me that piece that I was looking for was when I remembered that social scientist statistics only apply to the majority of that specific population. When I applied this to me I got the impression that I may or may not fit into that population. Because of my family demographics I feel that I was prepared and reared differently than the majority of the population that would have prepared me more for marriage.

I also thought about the fact that I am an outlier in many other statistics like people get worse grades if they work more than 10 hours a week, {see post "I thank you Syd"}. I am definitely an outlier. By connecting the dots from my secular learning to my spiritual knowledge-- reminded me once again the peace and comfort I felt that it really was the right thing to do. I'm not saying that I do not apply to the said "rule" to myself. I just feel like I was given a very special opportunity, to a very special guy, at a very special time . . . One that cannot be mistaken.

I am so glad that I followed the Lord's timing and not my own. I has been a humbling experience for me yet I feel closer to my Savior because of it. I never thought that being an outlier would make my faith increase and draw me closer unto Him. I am grateful for not being the "norm" and for my Father in Heaven that loves me more than I ever thought possible {and knows what is best for me and my family}. That He know what is best for me, even when I may not be able to see it at first.

{Side Note: A benefit of the day that we choose is that I had another month that I got to spend married with my husband, (and not single) and receive more of the blessings from making this covenant when following the right precepts.}