Stages of Marriage

Part of class notes/powerpoint from my Family Proclamation class. We were learning about the 3 stages of Marriage. 

Stage 1: Romantic Love Stage
- “ecstasy” – Greek word meaning “deranged”.
- primarily sexual, passionate, irrational.
- communication
- lack of lack of major crises
- tend to show only good side
- full of optimism
- Dopamine - mother nature’s way of attracting men and women to each other long enough for a seed for a more stable relationship to be planted and begin to grow
- great fun! - Well done Mother Nature!!

Stage 2: Disillusionment and Distraction 
- Romantic love inevitably slips away, the honeymoon always ends.
- Challenges arise.
- Learning to live together takes physical and emotional toll.
- Reality replaces fantasy.
- Marriage fulfills you but also disappoints you.
- Personality traits and behaviors not seen during courtship start to appear
(e.g., temper, mood swings, sleep patterns, irritability)
- “Best-side” forward replaced by basic side.
(Does not inspire romantic love)
- Start wanting to change our partner and maybe even feelings of regret.
- Start to experience stressful events that further tax the relationship.
(e.g., children, bills, illness, buying a home, miscarriage)
- Life “infringes” on the time devoted to relationship.
- Sex life hurt by stress, fatigue, diminishing romantic love, etc.
- GOOD NEWS!! MOST couples make it past this stage!

Stage 3: Dissolution or Adjustment with Resignation or Contentment.
Question now = “What should we do?”
1. We can give up – “Dissolving the relationship” (divorce, separation)
2. We can keep on trying to survive in an unsatisfying marriage - “Adjusting with Resignation”
- little love
- couples tend to grow apart and lead parallel lives
- stay together for external reasons (e.g., children, $, guilt)
3. We can decide to be more content – “Adjusting with contentment”
- Develop new kinds of love

I love learning about things like this!! It really makes me feel like Sam and I are actually doing really well. Beyond what we just think or believe. After I showed Sam these phases I asked him, "Where do you think we are?" And to my joy, he answered the exact same as me. "We are transitioning into stage 3" and pointed to the third option. That week {which was about a month ago}, we had a few conversations about "Adjusting with contentment" and developing new kinds of love. Even though, we still have to work to stay at this third, highest level . . . I am so grateful we both were able to realize that we really did not like the second stage relatively shortly after we entered into it. I am also grateful that we were able to be guided to where we are now and be on the right course for an enduring, happy marriage.