The Answer - Moderation

While Sam and I were doing our homework, Sam leaned over to me and show me this in his Design of Machinery textbook:

"Moderation is best,
and to avoid all extremes"
                  -PLUTARCH

The chapter was on balancing. I laughed! Sam knows how much I believe in this "moderation in all things" quote. It really is a good way to live one's life, parent, and run a family. No joke, I feel like this summarizes my major in a nutshell. 

Unconditional Love

I have been wanting to write about this for a while and I finally decided I need to just set the homework aside and write it because it is so important to me and I want to remember this and I want my kids to know it too. Warning: it's a "little" sporadic. 

I see myself as a pretty loving person and I feel like I love people fairly easily. I also knew that unconditional love meant that you don't have any condition on your love for them {right, it logically makes sense?}.

* * * *

I see a lot of people making LONG lists of why they love their spouse. One day I (as us women are known to do) began to wonder what my spouse would put on his list of why he loves me. Sam had not actually made one of these list of why he loves me so I decided to ask him.

"Sam, why do you love me?" You could tell he was surprised by the question but none the less gave his honest reply, "Missy, I don't love you for any particular reason. I just love... YOU." At first I didn't know how to make sense of this... good, he loves me for my personality?... Or can he really just not think of anything?... I knew this couldn't be true because I do feel a deep love from him... 

* * * *

In my theories class we are learning about the exchange theory. In essence, it is the theory that people make decisions in life that are going to be a profit to them. That they will evaluate the cost-benefit ratio before they make decisions. We, as family life scholars, relate this to relationships. That people will weigh the costs and benefits before deciding to marry someone but will most likely marry someone that they see as a gain. {There is a lot more that goes into this theory but that is the essence}. 
* * * * * 
Throughout my life I have heard that if you "let yourself go" or create a stressful home environment then your husband will start having an affair with his co-worker {variations depending on who I was talking too}. They are so sure that once you didn't “measure up” to your husband, he would see his alternatives and leave, end-of-story [profit would be greater than the cost: exchange theory]. It's so sad that people view marriage this way! A marriage would be so unstable if you could never put your guard down, you always had to go to "the gym". It's not comforting having this theory as your foundation for operation-- your view of marriage is a contract {as upon a condition being met}. However, Marriage is divinely created. One that is not designed based on the exchange theory but rather it is a covenant we make! 

There is one thing that the exchange theory can't explain: Altruism. 

Altruism: Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness.

* * * *

"Missy, I don't love you for any particular reason. I just love... YOU!"

Of all the many things that I have learned from having Sam in my life, this is one of my favorites!:

Sam has taught me what unconditional love is, what meaning unconditional really has... what true LOVE really is-- it is loving as Christ loves. 

Sam really does {only} love me, for me! Not because of anything that I possess or do or have... because the only thing constant in life is change. {don't get me wrong, there are things that he does love about me}. 

His love isn't founded about anything like that-- it's founded on a covenant-- a PROMISE that he made to me and to Heavenly Father.

I can't thank him enough for his great Christ-like example. He really does draw me closer to my savior by helping me realize how much they really do love me.

UNCONDITIONAL:
Something that I once thought as something so simple (and rather objective), became much much more, it became something that I felt—it became so real. I feel like it started to take on its own construct and personality. It had deeper substance and meaning. 
     Yet it's still beautifully abstract-- in a good way.

Christ and Heavenly Father loves me/you/us unconditionally. 

(The you tube clip I have recently posted goes along nicely with this).

* * * *

My professor was a Marriage and Family Therapist with his focus being in spouses that have addictions, mostly pornography. Before we read an article that he wrote, Covenant Sponsor—“Here Am I, Send Me”, he told us that a lot of people say that once their spouse has an addiction or views pornography or any other sexual transgression, they are going to leave their marriage. He tied this in with the exchange theory and unconditional love (these marriages are based on a condition-- that they don't get addicted to anything). I really liked his take on this subject and the principles he emphasizes (I think they can be applied to all marriages because it gives each spouse a powerful outlook on helping their spouse through weaknesses). Here is the 'abstract' of the article in a book:

Sharing a loved one’s struggle with addiction requires a heart for healing, one that is

close- knit and close- kin to the Savior’s own loving heart. Only such a heart is willing to suffer innocently, sacrifice, and endure in the hope of helping save another. Marriage, family, and priesthood relationships are divinely designed and divinely endowed for our help here in mortality. In these relationships God beckons us to be covenant “sponsors” to help sustain and secure loved ones’ recovery. In turn, God promises heaven’s help! Surely the windows of heaven are never open wider than for a dear daughter or son of God who meekly follows in the Savior’s Gethsemane footsteps in order to rescue a loved one. It is a miraculous witness of the love of God the way He helps His covenant helpers, magnifying their capacity and their understanding, their love and their peace— sanctifying their hearts and exalting their souls. In the context of agency, there are no guarantees that one’s service and sacrifice will be welcomed or fulfill its rescuing purpose, but love so given is never wasted, and hope endures and often bears precious fruit. “Why suffer?” “How can I endure?” “How can I be at peace?” “How can I still be happy amid this trial?”... {read more} to consider whether, why, and how you too may meekly offer, “Here am I, send me” (Abraham 3:27), and walk in the Savior’s footsteps.

I am so grateful for my husband that understands what a covenant marriage is and is willing to live up to it.

There is so much more I want to comment on and tie all of these random thoughts together... but I hope you get the messages...  I need to get other things done. :P

Future is as Bright as Your Faith

I, like most of my peers, are in the stage of great uncertainty. A few weeks ago when I was seeking some peace I really loved this Quote by Elder Nelson from his talk Face the Future with Faith.

“Your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord … and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

“Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.” {Section 98 of the Doctrine and Covenants}

The Lord chose His strongest words to reassure us! Seal! Testament! Sworn! Decreed! Immutable covenant! Brothers and sisters, believe Him! God will heed your sincere and heartfelt prayers, and your faith will be strengthened.

How you deal with life’s trials is part of the development of your faith. Strength comes when you remember that you have a divine nature, an inheritance of infinite worth. 

The Lord has reminded you, your children, and your grandchildren that you are lawful heirs, that you have been reserved in heaven for your specific time and place to be born, to grow and become His standard bearers and covenant people. 

As you walk in the Lord’s path of righteousness, you will be blessed to continue in His goodness and be a light and a savior unto His people.

Our beloved President Thomas S. Monson has given us his prophetic witness. He said: “I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.”

President Monson continued: 

“My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”

Promptings Come in All Shapes and Sizes

As I was leaving the bathroom stall, I saw a girl with the “this-feminine-product-machine-is-not-working-and-I-am-scarred” look on her face as she had a quarter in her hand. I asked her, “Do you need a tampon?”. “Do you have a pad?”
"I think so" as I began to look in my backpack and gave her a pad. 
"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah of course! :D"

"You are seriously so nice! Thank you so much! You are a life saver!"

... Repeatedly!! I think she said a combination of this more than 10 times! She kept saying it until I was out of the bathroom-- mind you there were like 15 other girls in the bathroom.
I felt sooo good leaving that bathroom. I forgot how selfless service really does make you feel so good! 

Listening to the spirit and being an answer to someones prayer feels so good!! I was so happy after that. :D

Life “Lately”

“Lately” as in the past few months… but hey, I still love the feeling of being caught up in one of my “journals.”

^^ In the middle of summer, Sam and I used one of our gift cards to go here. It was really good!^^

^^Went through the Temple with one of my Best Friends, Kenzy. We have know each other since kindergarten.^^

^^Before she left on her mission she came down and we spent some time together. {Long time joke, the orange Julius-- it's tradition}^^

^^Us three have been friends since about 3rd grade. It's great to have friends you've known basically your whole life^^

* * * * * *

This really nice lady came up to me after briefly visiting with her and she offered me a ticket to that nights football game!! So after I finished my test, we had fun at the game!

^^BYU vs. Middle Tennessee. Go Cougars!! :D ^^

* * * * *

Three Saturdays ago, Sam was able to go shooting with his capstone team. Capstone gives each team money to do some “team bonding” and that is what they decided on.

 ^^Sam said he was a little sore the next day^^

^^Sam doesn’t go shooting very often {once every few years}. However, his first shot hit his target! I’d say he is multi-talented.^^

Bragging moment: Sam told me that the sponsor of the capstone was telling the team about his phone conversation with Penn State (they are working together on this project)—he said that he didn’t have much to tell Penn State about the BYU team, except that Sam is the nicest. Sam said he didn’t know how that came to be {Except anyone that knows Sam knows that he is a sweet-heart!}.

Sam also told me about how the sponsor brought his kids and how he was parenting them.-- Story short, we are really excited for the day we are blessed to start our own family. 

 * * * * *

I got a new job!! My first official day was September 6^th. I got a migraine and it was our one-and-only-biggest-event-of-the-year for the donors. I was pretty upset—but also really determined. I was looking forward to this for weeks. I took naps in between my fluctuating “I feel like I am going to die and saying good-bye to my breakfast” on the family bathroom floor (which I didn’t care—I would have probably passed out if I tried to leave the building—and it was COLD—so it felt sooo good!). It was in the Hinckley Center—so it was also nice granite and really clean.

I am now working for LDSP (before I was working in a Dean’s Office for a Donor Liaison that worked for LDSP) I work with the Legacy Societies (donors that put BYU, BYUI, LDS BC, BYUH or the church in their will/ estate plan). It is lots of fun! They are very flexible with when I need to work which is so nice with a busy schedule. I also get to drive the nice cars to run errands in-- also really fun! However, I did cry a few times leaving my old job-- I had so many memories (good and bad). But I still feel like my decision was right so I can't be more happy. 

 ^^Old Desk^^

^^Old Office^^

^^New Desk^^

* * * * * 

 ^^Sam and I went rock climbing before school started. Thank you neighbor for the free tickets!^^

* * * * * 
One of Sam's best friends got married in St. George the weekend before school started so of course, we took a road trip. Luckily one of my step sisters just moved down there and so we were able to stay with her family for the night. We were so happy we were able to go. They hadn't seen each other in 4 years. It was an exciting time.

Emergency Preparedness

Since it was the 5th Sunday lesson, we had combined RS and Priesthood. Our bishop decided to talk about emergency preparedness. One of the things that he did was show what he and his wife have in their 72-hour kits. The list that they gave us included radio, space blanket, solar/winding flashlight... none of which we own. 

So on our way home I said to Sam: I think we should put put together a 72-hour kit soon. 

I love how diligent my husband is: "I think we should do a 144-hour kit!" 

I thought to myself... You want more food?...

Yes. 

I think they say "72 hours" because after 3 days then most people are able to get where they need to go or other help arrives.

"Yeah, but I want to be luxurious... I want 2 bags of craisins in case I eat the first one too fast."

Oh, how I love my husband! He makes me laugh! :D 

Who You Are: A Message To All Women

I really liked this video :D