Our 1st Furniture - A PIANO!

We bought our first piano!! (With cash)

We were not going to get it until after graduation but we just really felt like now is the right time.

I have LOVED how much this piano has benefited our family. The spirit that comes in, the stress that is relieved, the talents that are developing-- it's priceless.

We're so HAPPY!!

Faith and Fear

Life is hard. My heart aches. I feel sorrow. 

I turn to the Lord and pray with full purpose in heart. With REAL intent. I know he is listening.

I listen to many testimonies bearing witness that God loves us, that things will work out. I believe them. I know God wants what is best for us and our family. 

I know the suffering Sam and I are experiencing is for a purpose. To make us stronger. I feel myself slowly becoming stronger as time passes by. 

But I still ask why. I want to see full picture, I want to see what he wants us to become. I don't see it yet. At times I can feel that fear seeping in. I don't like it. So I constantly have to keep turning to him.

I feel like no matter how hard we try and how hard we work it really doesn't make a difference. I feel like things are not working out. As of right now, they are not working out. The only thing that is working out is God's plan. It's funny how I thought I had more control over this. But I guess this is what faith is. Belief.

I am mad. I am not mad at my Heavenly Father though. Every time I pray to him and tell him how I feel he always wraps me up with his unconditional love and tells me it'll be alright. I cry, pleading for more understanding. More patience more anything that will make this pain go away.

And so I trust Him, something I am very bad at (I have  a really hard time trusting others), and ... I wait. I pray. Hoping for brighter days ahead. 

"Do your best, and leave the rest to him"

Y Ball and Intramural Soccer

BYU put on a free dinner and dance for married or engaged couples on campus. It was so awesome!! 

^^I got so many compliments on my dress!!^^

Sam and I participated in Intramural soccer again. It's so fun!!

Soaking It In

I am so sad to graduate! I am excited to graduate, but I have LOVED my BYU experience!! Just the other day I was driving past the Hinckley Center and I started to get emotional. A part of me doesn't want this chapter of my life to end! I am cougar/true blue/BYU through and through!

Every year I have gone to the University Accessibility Center Banquet. This may be my last year attending this banquet-- I was sad. It was such a good program!

^^During dinner we sat next to the son and daughter-in-law of Ernest L. Wilkenson. Such sweet people!^^

 

 ^^Me beginning to realize that these kind of experiences are coming to a close^^

 ^^ I am so grateful that I get to share these experiences with my hubby! ^^

* * * * *

Over a year ago Sam and I talked about the BYU bell tower and the rumors of what it is like inside. We wanted to go inside and see it--and  we got too!!

After we found out about some exciting news about graduate school we didn't have any dinner ready and we knew we wouldn't start our homework because we wanted to talk about all these exciting things! So we decided to use one of our gift cards to Olive Garden. It was so fun! I am so glad we did that! It was a great Thursday night.

 ^^We both got accepted into our graduate programs^^

I participated in the Civic Engagement departments' workshop. 

^^A great keynote speaker that talked about how Martin Luther King Jr. was able to be so successful. He was friends with him.^^ 

 ^^My first research conference--UTCFR^^

The other day I was walking across campus and I was just soaking it all in. BYU has a beautiful campus!! These pictures in the rain don't do it justice. BYU really does have a sweet spirit to it. I will definitely miss this time in my life!!

The Trials of Life

It is comforting knowing that Heavenly Father knows that we can handle all that life asks of us... at times I definitely question my capacity. 

In one of my classes we talked about family stress. A few weeks ago our topics were on adoption and infertility. During this time I was really emotional and struggled studying these topics because of our unique situation.

When I was heading home for dinner I saw a mother pushing a stroller and I just lost it. The tears came flooding down. My heart ached. I have seen so many strollers on campus, but now, it was different.

Even though we experience trials that are a dichotomy of simplicity and complexity, it's comforting that our Savior, Jesus Christ, completely understands what we are going through. He is walking right there with us, holding us up and giving us strength.

Even though these experiences are hard. I feel Him. I feel his love so unbounded. I know that my Redeemer liveth. 

* * * *

We have already sacrificed so much for our future children. . . I am beginning to see all that my Father in Heaven does for us. These two songs really encompasses how I feel about our situation:

"I would die for that."
-- Kellie Coffey
"When you gave me up, you gave everything to me".
-- Mark Schultz

* * * *

I am not pregnant. I wish I was pregnant. but I am not pregnant . . . if and when I am pregnant, I'll be sure to let you know. 

sometimes these topics are sensitive and can really hurt. there are kinder ways to go about this--such as not asking or assuming you know what's going on and jumping to conclusions. may we all remember not to judge others. this matter is between the husband, the wife, and the Lord.

Thank you...For listening

I have had some special experiences this week.

Earlier this week I texted my friend that I met at college last year. I was just asking how she was doing and saying we should catch up. Turns out that she wanted to talk to me about something going on in her life and was hesitant to text me. So she was super grateful that I listened to my prompting. The next day we talked for four hours. I wasn't able to get any work done but I was able to help someone (even if it was just a little). She was very grateful. It's still so fulfilling to me. It truly brings me much happiness when I help others.

* * * *

Today I went to the library to do some homework and they were advertising a technology open house. I felt like I should do it, and since I didn't want to do my homework (surprised?) I decided to go on the tour, get my hubby a free t-shirt, and find all the cool free stuff that the Herald B. Lee Library offers. (And let me tell you, it's awesome!). One of the stops was the family history section as I was approaching the door to enter there was an old man leaving. This is pretty normal considering a lot of old people come to work on the family history when they retire. This old man was looking down at the floor. I wanted to say hi to him (I have a thing for old men, I don't really know what it is.. I just really like a particular type of old men. I always have). So I did and said "hello". 

I walked a little slower to make sure that he would look up at me so he would know that I wanted to say hi to HIM. He took a moment but eventually slowly looked up since I was waiting for him. Then he said hi back and kept walking. After that I continued walking, feeling really good that I did something right. I felt like I was supposed to say hi to him (not just because I like old people). It was great.  

But then I heard him say, in the most humble and sweet tone, "Thank you for saying hi to me... and having me look up." 

I was deeply touched.

I don't know what that man is going through, but I felt like my little gesture really had an impact. I felt like I showed him love when he needed it. I turned around and said "you're welcome" with a nice smile, but he didn't turn around to say his comment. It sounded like it took a lot in him to reply those few words. Then I added, "have a nice day."  

I really feel like I have a special gift. Like most people, when I am not worried about school stressed about different things that happen in life,  I act a little different but I love when this part of me is able to be expressed. I feel like I can be an instrument in Heavenly Fathers hand  more. I can notice these tender moments more. I hope once I graduate, I will be able to develop this part of me more so that I can bless and uplift others and have them feel the LOVE of Christ more. 

I'm so grateful that my mother has always taught me, "people matter more." Because it's true, the purpose in life is to bring people to Christ. And what not a better way than to share Christ's love?

"May we show our love and appreciation for the Savior’s atoning sacrifice through our simple, compassionate acts of service...It is only when we love God and Christ with all of our hearts, souls, and minds that we are able to share this love with our neighbors through acts of kindness and service—the way that the Savior would love and serve all of us if He were among us today....The love the Savior described is an active love. It is not manifested through large and heroic deeds but rather through simple acts of kindness and service"

--Elder Ballard; FINDING JOY THROUGH LOVING SERVICE

“In all that you do, in all that you learn, in all you try to accomplish in life, please remember that we are all sons and daughters of God. We have to help each other.” 

—Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:36–40).

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you. … By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:34–35).

Happy New Year!!

This year for New Years we spent it with my oldest brother, Syd, and his wife Alex. I can honestly say that they throw the most amazing parties!! 

Seriously.

^^For dinner they served a 9 course meal. Appetizers: cheese and crackers, artichokes, oranges and pomegranates. Then a cesear salad.^^

^^Main course: crab, rolls, the most delicious sirloin I have ever had.^^

Note: a good host/hostess plans/ delivers food that takes a while to eat on new years eve. This is because it buys time (you're staying up until midnight anyways) and people can visit, relax, and enjoy themselves.

After dinner we went out to their garage that they turned into a gym/fitness center. It's pretty legit if I do say so myself.

^^For dinner we had the most unbelievable creme brulee!! Sam and I have never had it before so it was a real treat-- and fun to watch Syd torch them^^  

After dessert we went in their hot tub. Which is always fun especially with my super fun niece and nephew, Ethan and Savannah. Then after we made noise and let of some of the really fun fireworks that shoot off from the stick in your hand we came back inside and had some toast to the new year.

Zac's toast was great, "May you all live as long and you wish and not wish as long as you live." Ethan's toast was also very sweet, he wished that we would all live faithfully in the church. He's eight and already has such a loving and tender spirit. I am excited to continue on with some of these traditions for my kids.

I hope you had a splendid new year celebration as well! And that this year you'll obtain some goals and/or be one step closer to reaching some of your goals.

Happy New Year!!